Things aren't what they appear
by Xxle-grellxX
Summary: Sequel to It's complicated. She was dead wasn't she? But here she was back in Ikebukuro, in her house. Almost as if nothing had ever happened to begin with. But what is she going to do? She's got Izaya back on her tail. And with all the gang shit things really aren't easy at the moment. Of course this is Melody Worstchester here surely she'll be fine right? Onesided!IzayaxOCxShizuo
1. It's good to be back

_**Oh heyya it's the sequel!**_

_**Izaya: Weren't you supposed to update Why does this always happen to me? yesterday?**_

_**Shhhh shit happened and this was prewritten **_

_**So yeah...cats**_

_**waffles**_

_**ROLEPLAY**_

_**Anywhore...**_

_**ERWIN SHAVES HIS LEGS PASS IT ON**_

_**Erwin: What the fu-**_

_**Shhhhhh don't question it. Just let it happen, just let it happen**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Durarara!, only Melody, Zach and every other OC fucking character that may and will (but probably not) show up in this fanfiction.**_

_**Now in case you were a fucktard and didn't read the first story: It's complicated then I have the feeling that this won't make a lot of sense to you. I really don't care if you don't read that first I'm just saying you will most likely feel mind raped if you haven't read the first story. Ok? Good moving on.**_

_**Fun Fact: It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it.**_

* * *

I groaned as I slammed my hand down on the alarm clock and fell out of the bed I had oh-so-peacefully been sleeping on mere minutes ago. Clock why you gotta go being a bitch and fucking everyone over? "Brother…" I shook his shoulder and he grunted. "Brother wake the fuck up before I throw you into the shower and turn on the cold water."

"You wouldn't."

"Don't tempt me." I giggled noticing his sudden energy as he hopped out the bed we shared and headed towards the closet. "Brother is it weird that we share a bed?" I asked. "Does it really matter Sister?" he answered my question with a question and I shrugged.

"I so call dibs on the shower first." I smiled running off towards the bathroom and locking the door behind me. Yes, victory! "Aww Sister you suck." My brother whined. "And you swallow." I grinned as I started blaring my music and hopped into the shower not waiting for the water to warm up.

"-what a cyanide surprise you have left for my eyes, if I had common sense I'd cut myself or curl up and DIE!" I sang along. Damn I love Get Scared. Such a good band. "Oi Sister don't take all day in there, I've got work you know." Brother yelled through the door and I nodded my head even though I knew he couldn't see me.

After I had finished my shower I threw my head back in defeat. Fuck there are no towels. God fucking damnit towels always fucking everyone over. I gave a little "Tch." Of annoyance before walking out of the bathroom anyways and back into the room my twin and I shared. "Sister why don't you have a towel? What if I were some perverted brother who was into incest?" Brother asked as he stared at my naked form and I shrugged. "Could you toss me my glasses?" I requested as I rummaged through the closet.

"Why do you wear these anyways? You don't need them…"

"Does it really matter?" I half spat as I caught the glasses in one hand with my back still turned towards him. After about a minute I settled on black pre-torn and bleach washed jeans, a white half-top with long sleeves and red converse. I also wore golden studs in all of my ear piercings and a silver hoop in nose piercing.

"See you later brother~" I called from the door as I grabbed my phone with the cat charm and my small black purse as I waved.

"Oh hi Heiwajima-san!" I smiled brightly and bowed as I saw the blonde leaving his own apartment and he waved back before pushing his blue tinted sunglasses up on his face. I quickly skipped off and into town debating what I was going to do for today. I no longer needed a job because Brother made more than enough at his own so I had a lot of free time on my hands.

Karaoke? No I did that yesterday. Hmm… I continued to ponder what I could do as I twirled a bit of my brown hair around my finger. I could shop at Animate maybe? Hmm it doesn't sound like a bad idea, and with luck I might run into Erika and Walker.

I decided on that and started off in that direction before my smile faltered when I realized it was a school day and there was a massive horde of teens. Great I huffed in slight frustration. Eventually I was able to fight my way through the young hormonal kids and got to Animate which had opened just before I arrived. Perfect timing as usual.

"Oh hey I see you're back yet again Melody!" the store clerk Sachiko smiled at me and I nodded my head. "But remember to call me Canterbury silly~" I laughed a little as I tweaked her nose. "That creep's still following you?"

"Nahh I've been gone for a while, but since I'm back I have to be careful, you know?" I gave her a soft look. "What was his name again? Izaya?" she asked and I nodded. I looked at the magazines that were being sold at the front. "Huh, the Slasher really has been popular lately, along with the black rider…" I mused to myself picking one of them up.

"So have the dollars, hmm I wonder how Mikado's doing?" I said quietly to myself.

I missed Ikebukuro, it feels good to be back. Damn good.

* * *

~IT FEELS DAMN GOOD TO DO THIS SEQUEL YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ANYWHORE LEDOUCHE HAS HIS GEASS SO YEAH… TIME SKIP~

"Zach-kun I made hurmahurmahmm stew." I smiled as I added some rice. "Oh? What'd you add this time?" he asked and I told him that it consisted of sausage, potatoes, rice, string beans, peppers, and a few spices.

"Damn this is good Melody I miss your cooking." Zach praised as he demolished his bowl of food. I laughed somewhat awkwardly at his words. "You make it sound like we're married Brother."

I heard his phone ring and I glared at the object as he answered it. My fourth day back in Ikebukuro and already my brother is fucking busy as shit. Great…

I patiently waited until he hung up the phone and I felt my spirits being crushed with a boulder dropped by Eren when he sighed and slouched back into his chair. "Where do you have to go now Brother?"

"Another damned meeting with those incompetent fucktards." He groaned. I huffed in annoyance. Of course. "Have fun Brother." I waved as he walked out the door and waved over his shoulder.

"Oh and Sister?"

"Huh?"

"Stop getting tattoos." Zach said flatly as he closed the door and left to go to his damned meeting with those incompetent fucktards. I shrugged at his words as I plopped down on the couch and turned on the TV debating on what I wanted to watch. I finally decided on some Attack on Titan (YEAH! ATTACK ON FUCKING TERTAN) when the doorbell rang. Holy Mary Mother of… who's at the door?! It seems like I can never watch one damn episode of anything anymore.

Not even Hetalia. Those episodes are 5 minutes long. Seriously.

I lazily shuffled over to the door with a scowl on my face and opened it without checking who was there. I took one look at the raven haired male with the eskimo jacket and glared. "No." I deadpanned as I slammed the door in his face.

"Oh? Who are you~ I don't believe ever seeing a woman over at Zach's house, especially after his sister blew her brains out."

I grimaced at his words. "Don't word it like that, I was friends with Melody." I growled in a softer tone that was slightly high pitched. "Were you now?" Izaya teased through the door. This guy really pisses me off.

"I don't recall seeing you at the funeral."

"Oh I was there; I was the pink haired girl. Anywhore I don't think Melody would've wanted you at her funeral." I spat glaring at the door. "Why is that?"

"I know what you did Izaya Orihara. Melody told me everything before she went out. Oh and she had a message for you…" I grinned as I opened the door and punched Izaya in the gut and bitch slapped him.

"She said I hope you aren't allowed to have an after-life you thundercunt piece of shit."

Without another word I slammed the door in his face.

_-Machiko has joined the chat room-_

_Machiko: Hey guys… I'm new here haha_

_Taro Tanaka: Oh hi Machiko_

_Setton: Hi_

_Kanra: Hi~_

_Machiko: Kanra don't_

_Machiko: my friend Uso introduced me to this chat room_

_Taro Tanaka: Really? She did?_

_Machiko: Yeah… I miss her_

_Machiko: Fucking assholes fucking everyone over_

_Kanra: What happened to her?_

_Setton: Yeah… I haven't seen Uso log on in awhile_

_Machiko: She killed herself 6 months ago that's what_

_Setton: Oh I'm sorry for your loss_

_Machiko: Don't be_

_Taro Tanaka: ?_

_Machiko: I'll kick the fuckers ass_

_Kanra: Huh?_

_Machiko: Someone made Uso kill herself and I know who did it_

_Taro Tanaka: Huh? I thought that she went back to America…_

_Machiko: She went back to America to get away from someone_

**-You have sent Taro Tanaka a private message-**

**Machiko: Don't worry Mikado I know I probably shouldn't be saying this but fuck common sense**

**Taro Tanaka: ? How do you?**

**Machiko: Melody isn't dead**

**Taro Tanaka: What?**

**Machiko: You can't tell ANYONE this no one not Izaya, not Anri, not Masaomi, no one.**

_Kanra: Who was she trying to get away from Machiko?_

_Machiko: Sorry she made me promise not to tell anyone_

_Setton: Why? Shouldn't that person get arrested?_

_Machiko: I don't think you really can arrest this person…_

_Taro Tanaka: Why?_

_Machiko: Trust me, I know things_

_Machiko: Look I really have to go haha I hope to see you guys soon!_

_Machiko: Sayonara~_

_-Machiko has left the chat room-_

I sighed. Wow I really am an idiot sometimes. Damnit why'd I have to go tell Mikado that?

* * *

_**So yeah**_

_**Izaya: Melo-chan isn't dead?**_

_**No.**_

_**Izaya: Yay!**_

_**Melody: Aww fuck**_

_**~News~**_

_**WDIESFOTW-updated tomorrow**_

_**Things aren't what they appear- well you're here**_

_**Izaya: and queer *gets slapped***_

_**Collab-? who fucking knows**_

_**Why does this always happen to me?-I swear to Kira this'll be updated tomorrow**_

_**~In the basement with the Ikebukurians, Xxle-grellxX, and other anime characters for Earl Grey tea, Pocky, and Takis because fuck we don't need our stomachs anyways~**_

_**Stein: Takis destroy your stomach**_

_**Everyone: We know**_

_**Melody: *sigh* I love Takis**_

_**Mairu: It's Melody**_

_**Melody: Aww fuck**_

_**Shizuo: The hell?**_

_**Zach: I really hate my job**_

_**Izaya: I could destroy your company!**_

_**Zach: Don't do that**_

_**Author-chan: Don't be a douche Iza-kun**_

_**Izaya: Iza-kun?**_

_**Sebastian: So I stole Violet's phone and watched Durarara!...**_

_**Violet: You asswad!**_

_**Shinra: I love you Celty~**_

_**Celty: ...**_

_**Author-chan: Ahh fuck Masaomi's coming**_

_**Masaomi: Hey guys~!**_

_**Melody: It's the leader of the yellow scarves!**_

_**Anri and Mikado: Huh?**_

_**Melody: And the leader of the dollars and the slasher!**_

_**Haruna: I'm the slasher**_

_**Melody: Not according to Izaya the prick of injustice**_

_**Izaya: Is that my unofficial nickname**_

_**Author-chan: So I started reading the manga for Code Geass because I'm too lazy to finish episode 5 of the anime (wow) LEDOUCHE I LOVE YOU**_

_**Lelouch: My name is Lelouch jackass**_

_**Luna: Aww he has Izaya's voice actor, and Jeremiah has Shizuo's voice actor... AND THEY STILL HATE EACH OTHER**_

_**Beyond Birthday: JAM**_

_**Hope: OH MY GOD SHUT THE FUCK UP WITH THAT!**_

_**Fun Fact:The present population is expected to rise to 15 Billion by the year 2080.**_

_**Adios Chicas~ **_


	2. Seriously? Busted Already!

_**It's me Author-chan!**_

_**So yeah Black Butler three *nods head***_

_**And Supernatural**_

_**And writers block OOHH BOOO**_

_**ANYWHORE**_

_**DURARARA! SEASON TWO 2015 MOFOS**_

_**:D**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Durarara!**_

_**Fun Fact: The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.**_

_**WHY DO I KNOW THESE USELESS FACTS?!**_

* * *

"Hmm? Where's Brother, usually he's home by now…" I felt concerned. It was 2:30 in the morning and usually the latest brother ever came home was 1:00. Did something bad happen to Zach? Calm down Melody if something bad did happen then we need to think over every possibility before we go looking for him. No before anything I need to at least call his cell phone. No text, if he's in a meeting-somehow- texting would be better.

**Brother? Where are you? Are you still in that meeting?**

I sighed in relief when I felt my phone vibrate next to me.

**No, just got out of it, damn that went on for a while. Think I'll just crash at my office, alright Melody?**

**Yeah sure whatever works for you Brother.**

* * *

~MAGICAL TIME SKIP TO MORNING WITH MY RP YANDERE LEVI WHO APPARENTLY IS IN A TUTU BECAUSE THIS IS SPOON LAND IN CRACKTASTIA UNIVERSE 567412970…OR SOMETHING~

"Ow… fuck that huuurrrrttttt." I groaned as I got off the floor. Zach really needs to stop kicking me off the bed in his sleep. Wait a second… wasn't he going to crash at his office? I mean I don't mind that he came home, actually I'm happier than anything, but Brother almost always-if not every time- stays true to his word.

I ignored that and crawled back into bed, but seconds later the alarm clock decided to fuck everyone over. Seriously, that little shit is working against me. It's just trying to ruin my life; I swear this is some kind of conspiracy to keep Melody Worstchester from ever enjoying the pleasure known as _sleep._

"Hey Zach I'm glad that you didn't spend the night at your office like you said, but please don't kick me off the bed. Seriously one of these days you're going to fucking kick me in the neck and snap that shit like a twig." I muttered rubbing my back.

It really isn't fun to fall out of a bed when you're having a wonderful dream… That's worse than calling Ledouche-EXCUSE ME LELOUCH- Zero in public. That's worse than dying in Sword Art Online. That's worse than getting stuck in a room with Claude.

Dude just no.

I like my dreams- ESPECIALLY when they DON'T have _Izaya motherfucking Orihara _in them.

"Huh? I never said that, when did I say that?"

"At like 2:30 in the AM you texted me saying how you had just gotten out of the meeting and that you were going to crash at your office for the night."

"No I didn't. The meeting went on 'til 3 then I came straight home, I didn't have a cell phone with me either."

"Then who the fuck texted me Brother? I know I wasn't dreaming because I have proof!" By now I was starting to get a little freaked out. Zach wouldn't mess with me like this, sure he was a bit of an asshole sometimes but he wouldn't joke about this. He knows how paranoid I can get.

"Don't worry Melody I believe you, even though I checked my phones after that shit was done and nothing was new, I still believe you. That of course is because I didn't get _one _call from you or _any _messages which is uncommon." Zach was thinking now I could tell. Why would someone be on his phone, why would they lie? What were they hoping to accomplish? More importantly, **who **was it?

It had to be someone who knew where my brother worked, and they HAD to have known-or at least guessed- that I was still alive. Now I'd put Shizuo there but why on Earth would he be there in the first place? Of course the only other person I can think of would be Izaya but if that was the case then…

"SHIT!" I exclaimed and my brother snapped out of his thoughts. Damnit SHIT SHIT SHIT! I just fell for the stupidest little trick in history without even blinking an eye. I'm such a fucking idiot! I literally did a face palm and sighed.

"Everything alright Melody?" Zach asked in a concerned tone and I snorted. "I haven't been back in 'Bukuro for even a damn week and that flea has already found me." I said in annoyance. "What?! Melody then you need to get the fuck out of here now! You remember what happened last time don't you?!" my brother yelled at me and I nodded my head.

"Yeah, yeah I have an IQ over 5. What I don't get is why he showed up here last night? Was it just to see if he could get a reaction out of me, because let's face it from the second I was back in 'Bukuro he knew of my existence. Was he suspicious from the beginning?" I pondered out loud as I tapped my finger on my chin.

"Wait? When the fuck did Izaya show up?! Why didn't you fucking tell me this Melody?!"

"It didn't really seem like a big deal, I mean he didn't seem like he knew who I was- rather like he was trying to figure out my identity. In truth I don't believe he thought it was me until I texted you. I called you Brother, and that very well could've given me away."

**Fuck you really are an idiot you know that?**

"Well if that's the case than you still need to get out of here before he fucking gets you again!" Zach yelled and I frowned. "That won't work." I stated as-a-matter-of-factly as humanly possible. I sounded like fucking L with that statement. You aint got shit on me.

My brother rubbed his temples and sighed. "You never should've come back, I told you that Melody."

"I'm going out for a bit." I finally said breaking the awkward silence as I walked over to the closet to get some actual clothes on. I don't think a onesie is going to look exactly normal in public. Yeah I wear onesies, fucking get over it. A 23 year old female wears fucking onesies that's right yall.

"No you're not." My brother argued and I sent him a look. The look of looks. _My _look. "Brother Izaya's counting on us to stay cooped up in here, it'll work to his advantage, in fact there's no doubt in my mind that he expects me to hide in here all day." I explained as I finished putting on my black and red plaid skirt with a plain red tank top and my black hoodie.

"Sayonara Brother~." I waved and smiled. "Oh and if I were you I'd get out of this apartment as soon as possible." I switched to a serious tone as I walked out a quietly closed the door. AS I was quickly walking down the hall towards the stairs I looked behind me only to run into what I thought was a wall. "Fucking ow." I hissed as I looked up at… Shizuo. Shit.

"Oh, hi Shizuo!" I gave a bright smile and big wave to the somewhat annoyed bartender. "Who are you again?" he asked sounding a little confused. That's right we never… he doesn't know, I only introduced myself as Zach's friend.

"I'm Melody silly!" I giggled and he cocked his head to the side and practically stared into my fucking soul. "No you're not. Melody died 6 months ago." He stated flatly.

"How do you know that's true? Shizu-chan did you even read the letter I gave you? You know the whole shit about how things aren't always as they appear?"

"She probably wrote that before she got all depressed and shit." Shizuo shrugged.

"_I _was never depressed." I argued.

"Zach even said that she… and when she died that reaction was real."

"Yeah you're right he wasn't acting. My brother didn't know what was really going on until my birthday" I informed crossing my arms over my chest.

"Give me proof that you're Melody and not just some creepy friend who heard about me from her."

"On the day Zach came to Ikebukuro we watched your brother's new movie, I sang "You look better when I'm drunk," at karaoke, The day we met I hugged you and called your…strength… super-duper retard strength, you practically destroyed my floor that one time with the stew, One time you fell asleep so I started watching Kuroshitsuji and I got annoyed when you dissed on it, you're the reason I even heard about getting a job at Raira, once you stared at me when I was wearing booty shorts…" I continued to list everything I could think of until Shizuo interrupted me.

"Ok I believe you, there's no way in hell you'd tell someone all that shit and they'd never remember it all if you were some crazy girl." Shizuo huffed as he pushed up his sun glasses. "Hey if it isn't too much of a bother could I like hang out with you today?" I asked shyly.

"I'm working." Shizuo grunted. "I know, I just meant can I like follow you? I mean I'm kinda in some shit again so I could really…" I trailed off giving him the puppy dog eyes. "Fine." He agreed and I cheered. "Yay magical adventure time with Shizuo doing whatever the hell it is that he does at work everyday!" I exclaimed as he walked down the streets of Ikebukuro until we met up with some guy who had dreadlocks named Tom. Apparently Shizuo was a debt collector. All seemed to be going well until...

"Melo-chan~"

Well there goes my happiness.

* * *

_**Melody: MY HAPPINESS!**_

_**Wop wop**_

_**~News~**_

_**WDIESFOTW-Updated earlier**_

_**Things aren't what they appear- you're here**_

_**Why does this always happen to me?- just updated**_

_**Collab- ?**_

_**~At the Circus with our favorite Ikebukurians, Xxle-grellxX (future Ikebukurian), and other magical creatures for free cats~**_

_**Sebastian: CATS**_

_**Ciel: NOOO**_

_**L: Cats?**_

_**Author-chan: CATS**_

_**Izaya: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA**_

_**Melody: HE BROKE MY CELLPHONE!**_

_**Izaya: It was in the way of our love**_

_**Author-chan: Kira he sounds like Seiji**_

_**Namie: HEY DON'T TALK SHIT ABOUT MY BROTHER**_

_**Melody: I WAS TRYING TO CALL THE COPS**_

_**Izaya: Exactly, it was in the way**_

_**Shizuo: IIIIIIIIIIZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAA**_

_**Levi: ALL MY FRIENDS ARE DEAD**_

_**Light: I killed them HAHAHAHAHAHA *get's stabbed***_

_**Mika: I never thought I'd say this but GO LEVI GO LEVI GO!**_

_**Levi: Do you finally love me?!**_

_**Mika: Nope I still like Eren**_

_**Connie: REJECTED REJECTED YOU GOT REJECTED!**_

_**Masaomi: WHERE ARE THE HOT CHICKS**_

_**Author-chan: *hands him a burning chicken***_

_**Mikado: What is wrong with her?!**_

_**Izaya: You have to ask? She's like me that's what**_

_**Everyone: Ohhhhh that makes sense**_

_**Claude: I like spiders**_

_**Violet: I like killing spiders**_

_**Erika: WHO'S IDEA WAS IT TO PAIR THEM?!**_

_**Author-chan: *slowly raises hand***_

_**Erika: THEY'RE EVEN BETTER THEN SHIZAYA**_

_**Melody: Uh...**_

_**Kyohei: Uh...**_

_**Violet: ERIKA I LIKED YOU TOO!**_

_**Walker: Just gonna go burn some shit**_

_**Author-chan: Can I come with?**_

_**Walker: Sure**_

_**Sebastian: BURNING SHIT IS FUN**_

_**Fun Fact: A cockroach will live nine days without it's head, before it starves to death.**_

_**I'm not sure why I know these things**_

_**Adios Chicas~**_


	3. Back to the old routine eh?

_**Hey wassssuuuupp!**_

_**I'm actually really pissed off right now kay...**_

_**like EHHHHHHH**_

_**So I reading through my stories and I realized I hadn't updated in like 6 days...**_

_**Thing is I can't update one of my fanfictions til I find some certain shit**_

_**And I can't find it**_

_**EHHHH**_

_**I'M SORRY**_

_**But hey at least I can update this shit right?**_

_**That's all that matters...to you guys**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Durarara! in any way, shape, or form**_

_**Fun Fact: The strongest muscle in proportion to its size in the human body is the tongue.**_

_**Also I rediscovered Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog today**_

_**It is just**_

_**NEIL PATRICK HARRIS EVERYWHERE**_

_**WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?!**_

* * *

In one movement Shizuo spun around with an expression of pure fury itself etched onto his face. I saw Tom shake his head and I just stood still. Fucking really, what is it fucking 9:30 in the morning? It's too early for this shit I mean really. **Well that's partly because you were so careless with keeping your identity a secret- I mean it's like you put a neon fucking light up sign above your head that kept screaming "MY NAME IS MELODY WORSCHESTER!" over and over. You know, why even bother? **

"IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! STAY OUT OF IKEBUKURO!" Shizuo screamed grabbing a stop sign and ripping it out of the fucking ground. "Oh it's too early for this shit." I grumbled. I turned towards Tom.

"So Tom, how'd you meet Shizu-chan?" I asked nonchalantly as I completely ignored the fight going on behind me. "I met him in Junior High after he saved me from getting my ass kicked by some other guys." Tom replied and I nodded. "So you knew Shizuo since you were like what, 13?"

"Yep. How'd you meet Shizuo?"

"Honestly? It was my first day in Ikebukuro; I was wearing a jacket identical to Izaya's and he threw a lamp post at me because I had my hood up."

"And you didn't run away? You weren't scared?"

"Not really. No." I shook my head and put my hands in my jacket pockets. "Huh I think you're the first female to not immediately run away in fear."

"What about Celty?"

"Excuse me, normal female."

"I have one of the highest IQ's ever recorded and can be considered very dangerous when I have a baseball bat. Also I get into a lot of trouble back home in the underworld." I giggled nervously. "You're killing me here. First HUMAN female."

"So how long do these fights usually last?" I questioned pointing at the duo that were in the process of destroying the city. Nice. "At most 2 hours, but I've never seen Shizuo this pissed."

"Well you have shit to collect don't you? Why not just give me a baseball bat and I could substitute for Shizu-chan today?" I offered. Anything to get away from here. "I don't know, I mean you're a girl after all and you don't even work for me."

"Then fucking hire me BOOM."

"It doesn't work like that."

"I know but please! Please!" I begged. I was desperate at this point. Besides it wouldn't kill me to get a job. "I'll work for free!" I added. Yeah I don't need money. Remember I got a rich fucking brother so yeah I'm good.

"Fine." Tom reluctantly agreed and I fist pumped in victory. "Yay I have a job!" I clapped jumping up and down.

* * *

~TIME SKIP OF MELODY FUCKING OVER THE HOES WHO OWE THE PIMP KINGS MONEY FROM EXCESSIVE CHOCOLATE EATING OR SOMETHING…~

"Wow You're actually pretty good at this job Melody." Tom commented and I gave him a smile. "Well I don't really enjoy whoring myself out to male scumbags in order for them to pay the fuck up, but hey it's my job right?"

"Yeah sure whatever."

"Night Tom." I waved as he walked off. I started making my way back to the apartment when I heard a familiar sound. Celty-san! I waved as she passed by. "Hi Celty!" I called before continuing my walk home.

I got there after a few minutes and immediately flopped face first on the bed. "I'm so tired." I groaned to no one in particular. Mainly because Zach was at another meeting but whatever. **No way in hell are you going to sleep in jeans. **I sighed because I knew my body wouldn't let me. Dude sleeping in skinny jeans is fucking uncomfortable.

I quickly changed into some basketball shorts and curled up under the covers finding sleep almost immediately.

I heard loud pounding on the front door and frowned. Who the hell is here at-I stole a glance at the clock- 1:47 in the morning? Zach has a key, Shizuo has a key, Izaya probably has a key (I shuddered at the memory) so I couldn't really think of anyone. Stretching I got up anyways and slowly shuffled over to the door as I yawned.

When I opened it I was met with two men, one pretty strong looking, and the other with a baseball bat. Oh what beautiful bat he ha-**FOCUS FOR FUCKS SAKE DON'T TURN INTO DTK WHEN HE SEES SOMETHING SYMMETRICAL! **"Huh? Who are you?" I asked giving them sleepy eyes trying to seem cute and innocent. Of course on the inside I was smirking. "You sure this is the girl, she doesn't look dangerous…" the buff one asked pointing at me.

"Yeah look her tattoos match the description perfectly." The other one nodded and this time I couldn't help but laugh at them. "Oh I see now, Izaya's sending other men to do his own dirty work, oh I'm wounded. I feel offended." I smirked and they stared at me.

"You know…" I started cracking my knuckles. "I'm a lot stronger than I appear…" I continued cracking my neck. "So it'd be best if you did yourselves a favor and left before I kick your asses." I finished.

"Getting smart with me girl?" the one with the bat snarled. I just gave a smile before ducking down to miss the blow aimed for my head. I kicked the buff one square in the shin and managed to trip the other guy in the process. I also managed to snag the bat. "Leave before I break your legs in self-defense and call the cops." I threatened. "Like you could even manage that."

I arched an eyebrow. "Oh?" I questioned pinning the weaker one's hand behind his back and sitting on his chest. "What was that? You doubt me? You know I really don't like it when people underestimate me…" I informed as I grabbed a fist full of his hair and yanked his head up painfully. "Would you like me to smash your face into the concrete?" I asked as I kicked the other guy in the gut without even glancing at him.

Wow what fucking amateurs. I feel wounded indeed. "Well? I'll give you boys one more chance. I am trying to be civil here after all. I'm not in the mood to send people to the hospital _today._ That's not really my forte." I yawned once again. They both quickly nodded their heads and I got off of the poor soul who fucked with me. "Good, now if I _ever _see you two here again I'll get Shizu-chan~! Did you know he lives right there, right next door?" I giggled like a little school girl and their faces immediately were filled with fear.

After they fled I scowled as I glared at the ground. My mad glare fest was interrupted by my phone ringing. "So hot out the box, can we pick up th-

"Hello?" I answered quickly as I continued to just sit outside of my apartment, on the pavement at like 2 in the fucking morning. I think it's clear to anyone and everyone right now how many fucks I give. None. Nada. Zilch. Zero. No not like the leader of the Black Knights Zero… that's different.

"I didn't know you could fight so well, I underestimated you Melo-chan."

"Tch. Leave me alone fuckass."

"And if I don't?"

"моргала выколю, падла." I threatened in Russian. "You know I speak Russian don't you?"

"Da I do. That's why I picked that language."

"Hmm you really are impressive Melo-chan. That said you still are quite oblivious at times."

"Oh really now?"

"Well you didn't realize I was right behind you." Izaya stated and I felt an arm wrap around my waist and a hand cover my mouth. Dick. **You just keep getting kidnapped. What are you, Ciel Phantomhive? Huh are you going to become a pirate and not give a fuck when your butler gets shot in the head? **

I frowned before biting down on Izaya's hand. Hard. He pulled said-now bloody- hand back and shot a glare at me before delivering a slap to my face courtesy of FedEx. "No biting." He tsked treating me like a dog.

"Fuck you." I growled flipping him off. "Ohoho~ but you already did~."

"I will scream so help me Kira let me the fuck go before Shizuo gets his ass out here. He really doesn't like you…"

"What's stopping you? Go ahead, scream for Shizuo to come help you."

"SHI-" I started but was cut off with another slap. Asshat. "Bye Melo-chan, love you~" Izaya waved before running off.

What the fuck just happened?

* * *

_**SAKANA SAKANA SAKANA**_

_**Damnit I found that song and all I see is Izaya and Shizuo/ Levi and Erwin doing a duet...while screaming into the microphone...**_

_**Levi: Tch**_

_**~News~**_

_**WDIESFOTW- I'M HAVING COMPLICATIONS (LIKE THE SONG HAHA) WITH THIS BITCH**_

_**Thing's aren't what they appear- You're here (duh)**_

_**Collab- who the bloody fuck knows SOBSTORY ANSWER YOUR PM**_

_**Why does this always happen to me?- shall be updated after this one**_

_**I have no idea what I'm doing with my life**_

_**This most certainly is Sparta**_

_**IT'S ALREADY JULY WTF **_

_**~In the beach house with the Durarara! cast, Xxle-grellxX, and all my other favorite characters tied up for a little tea party with the spawn of Satan~**_

_**Izaya: You have problems**_

_**Author-chan: Well in all fairness I'm just a younger female version of you so what do you expect *shrugs***_

_**Violet: The sad thing is that it's true**_

_**Melody: Mhm**_

_**Hope: Hey guys!**_

_**Author-chan: She became a roleplay character recently...**_

_**Blue*Star: like me**_

_**Authorr-chan: Don't worry, I'm working on your stories!**_

_**Hope: Good**_

_**L: So...cake**_

_**Izaya and Shizuo: SAKANA SAKANA SAKANA**_

_**Levi and Erwin: SAKANA WO TABERU TO**_

_**Author-chan: ATAMA ATAMA ATAMA**_

_**Luna: ATAMA GA YOKU NARU**_

_**Ciel: SHUT THE HELL UP**_

_**Erika: TOP AND BOTTOM TOP AND BOTTOM**_

_**Cielsakitty: I'm at Author-chans right now (we friends bitches AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA)**_

_**Author-chan: Damnit Marissa- I mean er...umm... STAY OFF THE KEYBOARD**_

_**Cielsakitty: NEVER**_

_**Eric: I don't know why I'm here or who I even am**_

_**Simon: Come Eat Russia Sushi, it good, you like**_

_**Author-chan: So apparently I'm funny?**_

_**Izaya: No**_

_**Anri: Ehh**_

_**Haruna: CUTTING**_

_**Beyond Birthday: I broke out of jail**_

_**L: DAMNIT**_

_**Shizuo: THAT'S MY LINE**_

_**Melody: Shizu-chan~!**_

_**Izaya: Melo-chan~!**_

_**Mika: I'm only a roleplay character...*cries***_

_**Maria: I love how everyone forgot about me**_

_**Author-chan: RUN, RUN NOW!**_

_**Fun Fact: Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into to shark's stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.**_

_**Adios Chicas~ See ya later~**_


	4. Add a dash of Izaya, poof instant anger!

_**SHE'S ALIVE**_

_**Oh my Kira I'm so sorry**_

_**SORRY**_

_**SORRY**_

_**SORRY**_

_**SORRY**_

_**SORRY**_

_**I feel like Tastfullydistastful or whatever her name is**_

_**I know she's hella funnier than I am**_

_**And her stories aren't shit**_

_**Anywhore the only excuse I have for not updating is I've been on binges for the following shows:**_

_**Supernatural**_

_**Noragami**_

_**Free!**_

_**Vampire Knight**_

_**And of course Durarara!**_

_**Other than that I've been role playing non stop**_

_**I'm so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so sorry!**_

_**Please forgive me!**_

_**I made this chappy a little longer to make up for it tho :D**_

_**And Melo-chan goes on a rage :D**_

_**:D**_

_**Fun fact: A shrimp's heart is in it's head**_

_**ENJOY AND DON'T PELT ME WITH TOMATOS OR ITALY WILL TRY TO MAKE ME INTO PASTA WHILE ROMANO AND I SCREAM CURSES AT EACH OTHER**_

* * *

"Are you fucking kidding me?! No fucking towels again! None. Nada. Zilch. Zero. Yeah fucking funderful! You know I love walking around my place naked. Just love it." I rolled my eyes as I stormed out of the bathroom. "Oh and look! No fucking clean clothes! You had one job Zach! That was to put the shit in the dryer! One fucking job! Thanks brother! Thank you for not doing that one thing before taking your sweet ass back to America, land of the fat!" I screamed to myself as I stormed around my apartment.

"Izaya you little fuck get out of my house I know you're on my couch snickering you little pervert from hell. And quit making fucking keys or I'll steal them, and throw that shit at you for target practice!" I threatened completely meaning it. "Aww so violent~ I swear you and Shizu-chan are just planning my death together~"

"Out before I smack you with a wrench Winry style bitch." I snapped at the end of my sentence before realizing I still wasn't clothed. Nice Melody. Real nice move there. "Yay! Look you're hair's blue again! Aww but I miss how long it was~ Oh well!"

"Do I need to repeat myself?! Out you perverted skank basket."

"That's not very nice."

"And I don't care." I gave a fake smile. "I don't see why I can't say hi."

"Because you've ruined my life and if I was any normal person I'd be broken as it gets right now that's why."

"I didn't do anything that bad."

"You treated me like a pet."

"So?"

"You took my virginity without permission."

"So?"

"I was saving myself for marriage."

"But you hate stuff that involves religion."

"You don't have to be religious to follow that shit."

"Fine, what else did I do "Wrong," Melo-chan?"

"You broke into my house and stole my property. How are Sebastian and Ciel anyway? I hope they hate you."

"So? Oh and your cats do hate me."

"Why am I wasting my time here? Just get the fuck out. GTFO bitch. Get out. I'm not in the mood to deal with you and your bullshit."

"But I like the view. And you sure don't seem to be bugged by the fact that you're naked right in front of someone you supposedly hate." He pointed out. "You've seen it all before haven't you?" I asked flatly shrugging.

"You're so interesting Melo-chan~! So much fun! So entertaining!" He clapped. "Why are you clapping like that? What are you, a fucking seal?!"

"Haha! So funny and creative too! You're definitely my favorite human!"

"I feel so honored." I spat sarcastically. "Oh, and Mairu, Kururi take one more picture and I will make it my fucking conquest to keep you from _ever _meeting Kasuka-san."

"Onii-chan! She's threatening us!"

"Of course I am. I'm pissed off and violent. What am I supposed to do? Bake you shits cookies and make your brother a sandwich? And Izaya if that word even comes out of your mouth, I will do my damned best to keep you from being allowed to have an afterlife. I'll make Satan get a restraining order on you."

Of course, as expected the Orihara's didn't budge. Go fucking figure. I gave up and threw my hands in the air before turning around and storming off. I slammed the door to my room and locked it. "Oh great I have to wear a dress today. Yay. I fucking _love _dresses. Can this day get any worse?!"

**Damnit she said it. Now bad luck shall fall upon us. Noooooo. Damnit Melody. **Shut the fuck up before I bitch slap you. **Whoa someone woke up on the wrong side of hell. **I have not slept in _four motherfucking days. _Wanna say that again?

Finally I decided on a plain strapless black dress that stopped at my knees, with black boots, and a fishnet half-shirt to go over said dress. I also wore, torn black leggings. **Wow you really like the color black, don't you. **Shut up.

"Nope." I said as I opened the door and punched a "hiding" Mairu in the gut. I did the same as Kururi jumped out of her spot too. "This is seriously offensive. I play weak once and you send childish shit my way. I'm offended Izaya." I feigned hurt as I walked into the small kitchen.

"Those are drugged." I pointed to the muffins and he chuckled. "No they aren't." He denied picking one up and taking a bite out of it.

"Yes they are, you're eating the only normal one." I replied picking up one said muffin. "But I haven't slept in four days and I could go for a nap sooo…" I shrugged taking a bite.

"Truly fascinating!"

"Quit acting like I'm some animal at the fucking zoo. It's really starting to piss me off." I growled, glaring at the raven haired bastard. "I can't help it! You just entertain me so much! The way you think, the choices you make, what you do, who you are! It's all so interesting! So much fun!"

"You need to stop doing that. It's not attractive. Oh speaking of, quit being so damn beautimous." I spoke flatly as I poked his face. I hate to admit it, but daaayyyyuuuummmm he looks good. **He does…I can't lie there. **"Hey Mairu, Kururi what happened to your brother as a child? What made him turn into that?"

"Dunno." They shrugged in unison. Wow thanks for the help girls. Real helpful. "Anywhore I'm tired, you're all annoying so leave." I yawned. Talk about fast acting drugs man daaaaammmnnnn. I need these as sleeping pills. **Wow you really do have problems, don't you?**

"Sweet dreams Melo-chan~"

"Pfft I only have nightmares, sweet dreams are for pansies."

"Aww even when you're tired you're still so cute."

"I'm not cute, I'm manly as hell." I argued and he chuckled petting my hair. STOP DOING THAT! STOP TOUCHING MY HAIR.

"Shh, go to sleep."

"Quit being Jeff the Killer." I said before I finally felt myself drifting off.

* * *

~YAY THIS CHAPPY WAS INSPIRED BY THIS MORING. THERE WERE NO FUCKING CLOTHES EHHHHHHHH DON'T LAUGH AT MY MISERY~

"Annnnd we're back in this place. Ugh I hate it here."

"So?"

"You're ruining my life."

"You don't mean that~" he cooed and I glared. "I know you don't have too many brain cells left, but you know damn well I mean that shit."

"Melo-chan no foul language in front of guests."

"Fuck your guests."

"So that's the girl you've been talking about? She's a little different than I pictured her to be."

"She is definitely entertaining."

"Anyways, I think the approach you have taken to this unique matter, is very interesting. In your theory Dullahans are actually a type of Valkyrie. You're hoping to involve the head in some sort of struggle or conflict. So you might be able to rouse it into consciousness."

"Well, I'm trying many approaches. But if all else fails I may have no choice but to bring that head into a war zone. Regardless though, I would be happy to work with you to work on this, if that is indeed why you came here."

"Why do you have Celty's head? Who's this weirdo in the mask? You know what I don't care. I'm out of fucks to give in this situation. Someone stole them, just like Izaya stole my happiness."

They completely ignored me-except Namie- and continued their conversation though. Assholes. "Excellent, I've had my eye on you for quite some time. Nobody else thought to look at this from a mythological standpoint. Not even myself. I'm very impressed."

"Yay for fucking Izaya. Look at him doing shit right for once! It's a miracle everyone."

"Why thank you."

The weirdo in the mask stood up before replying. "Before I go I want to give you one piece of advice. If you do create some sort of conflict in Tokyo, in an effort to rouse Celty's head, or her soul, I will make one suggestion. Instead of pulling Celty into someone else's war, instead create the conflict around her." He dropped game pieces from random ass games all up on Izaya's chess board.

"And whoever shows up for the fight, throw them into the fire." He finished leaving.

"That's my intention. In fact, things are progressing in that direction faster than I thought."

"Why do I know people like you?! Seriously…you guys have fucking problems…god…just no."

"That's not nice~"

"Good." I deadpanned before I yelped in pain. "Oh a shock collar now?! Seriously?! What am I? Some disobedient dog? What the fuck?!"

"Calm down Melo-chan."

"Don't call me that, my name is Melody Gwendolyn Worstchester bitch."

"Oh so that's your middle name. I was a little curious, I didn't know it was Gwendolyn."

"I will slap you." I hissed before realizing my mistake. Izaya doesn't like threats. Shit. Another shock. "Stop doing that!"

"Then be nice~ It's not that hard Melo-chan."

"I told you to stop calling me that!"

"Why?"

"Go to hell!"

"Only if you come with me."

"Nah, I've already been there a couple hundred times. It's kinda boring after a while." I shrugged.

"You two really do make su-"

"Finish that sentence Namie and I'm rip your tongue off and shove it up your ass." I snarled and that bitch shut her mouth real fast.

"Melody you're so violent~"

"I'm fed up with your bullshit. After all, it was because of you that I had to fake my death and what not. Do you even know how difficult it was to get out of Ikebukuro? Let alone Japan?!"

"Not very because you sell fake IDs on the black market."

"Just shut the fuck up ok. You know damn well that I hate you for multiple valid reasons. You got me fired for fucks sake. I mean the only thing that kept me sane was the fact that Shizuo helped me out because unlike you he's not an ass!" I screamed and he growled before storming over and slapping me across the face.

"You will not mention that _monster _in my presence, and you will _not ever _say he's better than me, or compare that _thing_ to me."

"What the hell's wrong with you?! You act like you own me and control my life! News flash, bitch I'm a human being with this thing called "free will" ever heard of it?! No of course you fucking haven't! But that shouldn't be surprising should it, you little prick?! Oh and little tip, slapping girls is never a good idea because that shit comes back to bite you in the ass. Your flat, nonexistent ass. Now Shizuo, he has an ass and that fucker knows how to work it."

"Melody. I said NO mentioning that protozoan in my presence. Learn to fucking listen to your master."

I snorted. "Oh my _master_?! Excuse me, I didn't know I was something to be fucking owned. I'm sorry I didn't know I was some pet and not a _human being. _Thanks for that Izaya, thanks for letting me know that I'm no better than some idiotic pet!"

He just stayed silent as I continued to rant. "You know Izaya I may have really liked you if you weren't so damn unbearable. After all I love hanging out with guys who know parkour and are manipulative. Really I do, I like people like me, but not you. I despise you just because you're so annoying, so terrible, so unbearable in _any and every_ aspect. You blackmail people on a daily basis and make people kill themselves for fun. What the fuck?! What the fuck?! And then you go around calling someone who just wants to live a peaceful life a** monster**. Tell me, no actually tell me what the fuck did Shizuo ever do to you?! Who fucking started this little bitch war of yours?! Who framed who?! Huh cocksucker?! Tell me you great big bag of dicks, you guzzling cock weasel. That's right _you._" I spat with more venom than a damn King Cobra as I felt tears of frustration escape my eyes and roll down my tomato red cheeks. I was fucking furious. He just chuckled a little before that turned into insane laughter. Oh joy.

"What the fuck are you laughing at huh? Am I funny? Do I amuse you?! Am I like some comedy on Broadway that you payed Yato knows how much to be in the first row? And what, is Neil Patrick Harris starring in the show too?!"

"Aww Melo-chan I think it'd be better if you just shut up~ You're starting to annoy me a little bit sweetie."

"Don't call me sweetie. I despise you in every aspect. I'm not your sweetie because I do not love you, and I never will."

"Sure you will Melo-chan. After all you have no choice."

"Go suck a dick."

"That's your job Melody."

"Yeah but on you what is there to suck? It's like there's nothing there. Woman have bigger dicks than you do."

"Melo-chan that's mean. You know one of the rules is that you have to be nice to me silly. And remember what happens when you break rules."

"Fuck. You."

"Oh you're about to."

* * *

**_Yay_**

**_Melody: Not yay_**

**_Don't worry sweetie I'm not writing more lemons_**

**_Requester from first time: EHHH WHY NOT?!_**

**_Because I hate changing the rating and it's only the fourth chappy_**

**_Of course it will be implied_**

**_Melody: EHHHHH_**

**_~News and shit~_**

**_I SWEAR I'M WORKING ON CHAPPYS OF ALL STORIES WAAAHHHH I'M SORRY! THEY SHOULD BE UP BY WEDNESDAY I PROMISE!_**

**_~In Izaya's apartment with the Durarara! people, Xxle-grellxX and friends (what are friends?!) for Earl Grey tea with a little too much sugar~_**

**_Author-chan: Make us free!_**

**_Violet: She found the Free! soundtrack...and all the songs..._**

**_Raven: Shit_**

**_Hope: Oh I love that song! Splash Free_**

**_Zane: I'm based of an RP character! haha! I'm not Zach, no I'm Zane! I annoy Hope!_**

**_Hope: He annoys me. Damn demons_**

**_Melody: WHY WILL NO ONE HELP ME?!_**

**_Izaya: Shh its ok Melo-chan_**

**_Shizuo: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!_**

**_Kasuka: Who allows Melody to be anywhere near Izaya_**

**_Eren: The same person who lets Levi be anywhere near Mika_**

**_Mika: EHHHHHHHHHH_**

**_Armin: Poor Mika..._**

**_Blue*Star: What happened to her?_**

**_Mika: Well you see I like Eren and shit but blah blah classic love triangle like this story, Levi loved me and blah blah same as Melody, took my innocence blah blah I'm dating him to save Eren's ass from harm and blah blah we're having a kid together blah blah I slept with Eren but Levi doesn't know that_**

**_Levi: You what?! WHERE'S THAT LITTLE SHIT I'LL RIP HIM TO SHREDS_**

**_Violet: What is wrong with you Author-chan?_**

**_Author-chan: Well the Mika thing was actually more my RP buddy...hehe_**

**_Luna: For once she wasn't the fucked up one_**

**_Author-chan: Of course I was still involved and in on the idea. It happened three times. _**

**_Melody: It's things like these that make me lose my faith in humanity_**

**_Violet: I'm with you there 100%_**

**_Beyond Birthday: JAM JAM JAM JAM JAM _**

**_Lawliet: TURN OFF THE BEYOND ALARM_**

**_Beyond Birthday: But I want to jam at a club_**

**_Author-chan: *gets shot for awful pun* WHO LET IZAYA AND CLAUDE HAVE GUNS?!_**

**_Claude: God_**

**_Yato: Heyya!_**

**_Author-chan: There's my slightly yandere and very creepy Yato!_**

**_Yukkine: Dafuq?_**

**_Fun Fact: People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your heart stops for a mili-second. YAY WE'RE DEAD MORE TO ONCE IN OUR LIVES AFTER ALL_**

**_Adios Chicas~ I hope to see you soon_**


	5. This is getting nowhere

_**And welcome back to the only fanfiction that I seem to be able to update because I'm incompetent...**_

_**I'M SORRY TO THOSE THAT READ MORE THAN ONE OF MY PIECES OF SHIT FEEL FREE TO PELT ME WITH TOMATOS**_

_**OR SHOOT ME WITH NERF GUNS, BUT ONLY DEATH THE KIDD STYLE**_

_**I just really like this fanfiction...**_

_**It's fun to write what can I say**_

_**WE DON'T HAVE AN IZAYA IN MY OTHER STORIES...oh wait we do? Oh...**_

_**That's right because I've been working on new stories (OH GOD)**_

_**Izaya: Yay~**_

_**And as usual Shizuo x OC**_

_**Izaya: grr**_

_**No don't worry, this time the OC doesn't hate you!**_

_**Izaya: :D**_

_**Kana: Yeah Iza-kun and I are friends!**_

_**Disclaimer: Bitch does it look like I own Durarara? No it does fucking not.**_

_**Fun Fact: Baccano!: In one of the baccano light novels, Boss Buraido mentions exchanging information with "Orihara of Shinjuku" who is obviously Izaya.**_

_**IZAYA STAY IN YOUR OWN ANIME DAMNIT**_

_**Izaya: I WILL NOT HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**_

* * *

"Melo-chan could you sign this for me?"

I took one look at the document before frowning. "No. Not in a million years." I deadpanned. "Aww~ Why not~?"

"Because that's a marriage certificate."

"Sign it! Sign it! Sign it!" he began chanting childishly in an annoying tone and I sent a death glare his way. "No." I denied turning my attention back towards the computer. "Come on Melo-chan! You know you want to! Think about it! You'd have plenty of money and a nice place to live! And a loving husband!"

"But I don't love you." I stated dryly before yelping in pain. "Be _nice_." Izaya scolded and I rolled my eyes in annoyance. "Whatever I'm not signing the damn thing. You're wasting your time here." I unpaused the video I was previously watching before Izaya decided to pester me. "What are you watching Melo-chan?"

"Dane Cook." I answered as I watched the animation made for the video of him explaining parenting. Izaya just stood next to me, staring at the video until it was over then turned towards me. I already knew what he was going to say so spoke before he had the chance. "It's not happening."

"What do you mean? I wasn't going to say anything, although that guy gave me an idea. We could start a family!"

"Or not."

He pouted in response and I chose to ignore him. Because of this he decided to start being an obnoxious asshole and kept saying "Please," over and over but I didn't budge. Does he seriously think I'm going to change my mind about something like this? I mean even if I was interested, I saw the way Mairu and Kururi turned out and yeah…no.

Never.

"Why not Melo-chan?" he questioned. "Well first off, I hate you. Secondly I hate you. And finally I refuse to even think of something like that until I'm married."

"Then sign the paper!"

"I said I wasn't going to and I meant it." I deadpanned and Izaya frowned. "You're so impossible sometimes Melo-chan!"

"Oh before I forget my friend Yesenia is coming over to Japan on Friday. She's supposed to keep me away from you, so yeah…"

"Well I'll give her a nice red welcome to Japan."

"You're _not _killing my friend. And you're not getting someone else to end her life either you little playing on words shitbag."

"Melo-chan! I told you to be _nice._"

"I am being nice." I argued. "If I threatened to kill Shinra-san then you'd be mad at me, since he's your only friend and what not." I pointed out. "Can't you at least try to be a little kind?!"

"See I would've, if you hadn't stalked me. I mean I was a bitch the first time to keep you and Shizu-chan fro- AARGH GOD STOP THAT!- from fighting. But then you started following me and shit…I'm not really a fan of stalkers."

"I followed you because I couldn't find a lot of information on you."

"I know. I don't like people knowing everything about me." I muttered to myself. "Why?" Izaya questioned.

"Because I have this thing called privacy, of course I don't expect for you to know what that is." I spat taking his hand off of my shoulder. Don't touch my shoulders. Ever.

Just don't.

"Do you have to be such a bitch?"

**Oh look you succeeded in pissing off the troll. And what are you going to do next? **"I wouldn't be such a bitch if I wasn't stuck with you all the time. Any normal person would've killed themselves by now. I mean, for all the time I've spent in Japan, most of it is at your place."

"Good."

"No it isn't. I kind of like having this thing called a life, you know with friends, a job, a house, and shit like that. But isn't that a little difficult to accomplish when you're stuck like this?!"

"You talk too much Melo-chan."

"I'm a fucking girl, what the hell do you expect from me? Besides you're trying to get a very independent girl to submit. That doesn't ever work out too well from what I've heard."

"She's right you know." Namie butted in and I gave a slight smile towards Bitch face Mcgee. **Did you seriously just quote…? ** Yes. Yes I fucking did. **And you call yourself an adult…**I do? "Namie, I don't recall allowing you to join in our conversation."

"Izaya you're in a really bad mood today, are you on your period or something?"

"Melo-chan…" he warned. **Maybe you should stop. **Nah I'm good. I'm having fun. **A little too much if you ask me.**

"That's not my name." I growled before we heard a knock on the motherfucking door. I JUST WANT TO THANK YATO FOR SAVING MY ASS! **You didn't even pay 5 yen…you don't even have 5 yen…**

"Yay people!" I clapped. **People who can't help you.** Thanks negative Nancy, you feel good about what you did? You satisfied with yourself for that? **Quite. **"Hey wait a second…I've seen him before! Hi familiar stranger!" I waved. **And where have you seen this man? **I remember him pissing off Shizuo, I kind of just saw it in the background. **You didn't help? **How could I have?

He just gave a confused wave back and I swear I saw Izaya glare. Damn yandere bastard… IT'S JUST WAVING GOD DAMN.

"So who told you about me?" Izaya questioned once the other male had sat down. "Well…I can't reveal my sources…" he replied awkwardly while rubbing the back of his head.

"Whatever. Tokyo conflict review right? You do articles on gangs and odd crimes? Your next issue's on Ikebukuro."

"Know it all bitch." I rolled my eyes.

"Since you know all that, it makes things a bit easier. To be specific about my next article it's on the toughest guy in Ikebukuro."

"Toughest huh?"

"Heiwajima-san!" I cheered. **You need to stop with the Shizuo shit honey, you're just hurting yourself. **"Stop doing that!" I yelled, glaring daggers at the raven haired informant bastard. **That's how you describe him…**

"There are a lot of options in that part of the city. In a fist fight it'd be Simon the sushi guy. But in a true street fight it'd be Shizu-chan."

I heard him cough in surprise and gave a small snicker. Sh-Shizu-chan?!" he asked in surprise. "Shizu-chan OW Shizu-chan OW!"

"Stop it Melody."

"I'm not doing anything wrong."

"Shizuo Heiwajima, that's who you came to talk about right?"

"Yeah well, this Shizuo you speak of-"

"I'm getting annoyed."

"Oh no, you're annoyed, it's the end of the fucking world because "God" is upset." I butted in, sarcasm practically dripping from my tone. "I know a few things, but just what I have to know."

"Are you filing your nails with your knife?" I questioned staring at him. Indeed he is. "He's trouble for me so I try to stay ahead of him."

"Yeah and how's that working out for ya?"

"I hate talking about him. Therefore I won't."

"Just a few questions?" he practically begged. "A little word of advice from me, don't push him. He does not…just, no means no. At least when he says it anyways…"

"By the way Mr. Neikawa, how's that daughter of yours doing? As a parent, you must be quite concerned, her transferring schools like that. Six months ago you approached Shizuo, that's when you and an innocent lamp post sailed across the night sky."

"Stop knowing everything!"

"If you keep sniffing around like this, well it just might begin to interfere with my own work."

"Aw shit."

"Just what are you getting at?!"

"I'm sure you already know this, but a lot of bad stuff is beginning to brew in Ikebukuro. "

"No thanks to you." I hissed quietly. **You're just asking to get slapped I swear…**

"What do you mean? A war between the dollars and the yellow scarves th-"

"There's that. And there are the slasher attacks that started it all."

"The slasher?"

"As if having one urban legend spiraling out of control wasn't enough… Oh I know, back to Shizuo Heiwajima! I'll help you out and introduce you to a friend of his."

"Why can't I talk to him?! I'm friends with Shizuo!"

"Because Melo-chan."

"That is not good reasoning."

After that poor unfortunate so- reporter left I just glared at Izaya. "I don't even…I just…I'm taking a nap." I sighed flopping on the couch. "So don't bug me." I finished, my face mashed into the leather.

* * *

_**So much talking in this chappy**_

_**Melody: When will this fanfic turn towards the intended pairing?! I don't like the Izaya X OC!**_

_**Soon my child, soon**_

_**~News and Shit~**_

_**I like trains**_

_**Collab: I'M WRITING THE GODDAMN CHAPPY UGH EEEHHHHHHHHHHHH THIS ISN'T COLLAB IF I CAN'T WORK WITH THE OTHER AUTHOR EHEHEHEHEHEHEKCVBUFDIG SLDFVBNHJKIGMNF,DSpasdfnjh?  
FDAFGHH**_

_**Melody: I think our excuse of an author died so I'll be taking over today~**_

_**WDIESFOTW: This shall hopefully be updated soon, as the author said, new stories which should be out today? I'm not entirely sure...soon anyways.**_

_**Things aren't as they appear: Well, you're here and you people aren't saving me or any of that shit**_

_**Thanks for all the help guys**_

_**Why does this always happen to me?: I believe that she does not know how to continue at the moment so...soon I pray to Yato**_

_**IZAYA GIVE ME BACK MY 5 YEN**_

_**Izaya: No**_

_**~On the Prometheus with our wonderful (EXCEPT IZAYA GODDAMNIT) Durarara! cast, A passed out Xxle-grellxX, and others for Faygo and Karkat's BRIGHT RED blood~**_

_**Karkat: FUCKASS**_

_** Melody: Author-chan got into Homestuck**_

_**Violet: About time**_

_**John Egbert: What are you doing Dave?**_

_**Dave Strider: Being ironic**_

_**Luna: I DRANK ALL THE APPLE JUICE**_

_**Dave Strider: WHAT?!**_

_**Izaya: What the fuck is even going on anymore?**_

_**Melody: Who knows**_

_**Yesenia: Hey you! I'm here to save you from yourself!**_

_**Violet: What?**_

_**Zach: Don't mind her, she's weird like that**_

_**Author-chan: I have awoken!**_

_**Raven: NOOOO**_

_**Claude: Spiders**_

_**Eren: RAVIOLI RAVIOLI TITANS KILLED MY FAMIOLI!**_

_**Mika: Aww that shit was adorable!**_

_**Hope: It was damn cute**_

_**Zane: HOPE HEY HOPE**_

_**Hope: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GO AWAY NNEEEAAAHHHHH**_

_**Shizuo: The fuck?**_

_**Celty: I'm not sure**_

_**Author-chan: GODDAMN THOSE FUCKING BONEYS ARRRGGHHHHHHHHHH**_

_**Author-chan: GODDAMN THAT MOTHERFUCKER!**_

_**Melody: She's been watching too many movies I see...**_

_**Violet: Lucky bitches**_

_**Melody: Hey Izaya**_

_**Izaya: Noo don't you do it**_

_**Melody: JUST BE FRIENDS**_

_**Masaomi: I sang it first!**_

_**Mikado: Dollars and shit**_

_**Zane: FAYGO**_

_**Kanda: I'm a demonic cat named after an anime character because my owner is weird**_

_**Kana: Yay to being cats!**_

_**Robin: Titans go!**_

_**Eren: No *shakes head***_

_**Fun Fact: Izaya's voice actor, Hiroshi Kamiya, and Shizuo's voice actor, Daisuke Ono, are actually best friends in real life.**_

_**Isn't that adorable?**_

_**Adios Chicas~**_


	6. I'm here to cut my feet and kick ass

_**Heyya'm back guys! Sorry if you had to wait a little hehe...**_

_**Guess summer isn't as good for updating as I thought**_

_**Oh well**_

_**I have an evil plan in mind, wait what...**_

_**EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH**_

_**My little sister is kicking meee**_

_**MAKE HER STOP**_

_**I MEAN IT DOESN'T HURT IT'S JUST ANNOYING**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Durarara! or any of the Durarara! characters, I only own my OC's and the fucked up plotline to come**_

_**hehe**_

_**Fun Fact: Kasuka has a lot of hobbies: All sports, fishing, billiard, darts, horse riding, investments, collecting automobiles, going to the theater, going to the movies, painting, calligraphy, home carpentry, table magic, aikido, flying small planes, flower arrangement, etc.**_

_**I HAVE BECOME HUSSIE**_

_**I**_

_**WILL**_

_**KILL**_

_**EVERYTHING**_

_**YOU**_

_**LOVE**_

_**HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**_

_**Izaya: Not Melo-chan right? **_

* * *

"I can't believe you put bars on the windows. It's like you don't trust me. I feel offended."

"Well Melo-chan you're clever so I have to take precautions." He shrugged. "You're insane." I shook my head and pointed to the door. "Now get out, I'd love to have this thing, you know it's called sleep. I kind of really love it."

"Whatever." He replied smirking. "Good night my sweet Melo-chan~"

"Go fuck yourself." I hissed as he closed the door and I heard the lock click. Geez he really doesn't trust me. I mean he shouldn't but…

"What up Izaya buddy?" I heard someone call. Huh? Is that…? Shizu-chan! But why is he? Aw who fucking cares it's fucking Shizuo motherfucking Heiwajima!

"Shizuo! Shizuo help me! It's Melody! Shizuo!" I yelled praying he would hear me, but nope. Life is a bitch like that. "Fuck this, I don't even care anymore." I said monotonously getting up and walking towards the evil door. "Fuck this door." I growled ramming into it with as much force as I could muster. Luckily it broke on the third try.

"Fuck this place. " I flipped off the apartment for no good reason. "I quit, I'm leaving." I muttered to myself as I opened the door and stepped into the hallway. You're barefoot. I really don't care at the moment, I'm just sick of Izaya. He pisses me off and is a complete demon douche. He took the collar off. And do you know how much dick I had to suck for that to happen

Good point…Now one question remains, how the fuck are you going to get out of here? Awesomeness. Shizu-chan's outside isn't he? Yeah but so is Izaya since he didn't like, stab you for trying to leave. So?

"Freedom!" I cheered running down the stairs because elevators. Fuck elevators in the assssssssss. It's no fun if there's not a possibility of you falling and breaking your neck.

I-I…I don't even…

Finally I made it to the lobby and ran outside onto the sidewalk. Sure it fucking hurt like a bitch since there was glass and shit, but I could not care less at the moment. I saw Shizuo lifting up a guard rail and smiled. Yes I was right! For once. STOP RUINING WHAT LITTLE HAPPINESS I HAVE!

"Melo-chan? What the hell are you doing outside?!" Izaya looked at me in surprise, as did Shizu-chan! Of course that look quickly turned to one of anger directed towards the eskimo bastard.

"Getting the fuck away from you." I spat AND SUDDENLY A WILD CELTY APPEARED! Well this day's just getting better and better…I mean Shizuo, and now Celty!

Yay.

"Celty? Why are you here?" Shizuo and I asked in unison staring at the headless female. She ran up and showed the blonde something on her PDA and he stared at the screen with an unreadable look on his face. "What the hell is this?"

"Is this part of your plan too?" he looked back towards "the flea" and I quickly bolted over to Shizu-chan, clinging onto his arm like a koala. But koalas are evil…And I'm not?

"Look if I knew this is all it would take to get Celty to show up on my doorstep, then trust me I would've dropped a meteor on your house a long time ago."

"Tch." Shizuo glared catching the helmet Celty tossed to him and I did the same. "No Melo-chan."

"Fuck you bitch. If you wanted me to stay you shouldn't have been such a fucktard."

"I'll stab Shizuo."

"No you won't." I snapped. "You won't or I'll fuck up your connections with everything. The Yakuza, the Dollars, the Yellow Scarves, fucking everything." I hissed as Shizuo wordlessly picked me up bridal style. Wheeewww freedom from bitches. This is too easy. Well Izaya is being smart and wants to live.

Good point…something tells me that Shizuo would beat the holy hell out of that bastard if he wasn't so busy at the moment. And then for seeing you with that flea he'd finish the job.

"Freedom!" I cheered once again with a giant smile on my face as we sped off from Shinjuku to who the fuck knows where. "Melody what the hell?!"

"Huh?"

"Where the fuck were you?! Why were you with the flea?! What the hell happened to you?! You look like shit!" Shizuo yelled and I gave a nervous laugh.

"Haha funny story there…see remember how I went missing the first time? Yeah that was Izaya being a bitch, same thing for the second time…And as for what happened to me, ehh you don't want to know."

"That bastard I'll kill him deader than dead!"

"You go ahead and do that, he deserves it for all the shit he's done…" I muttered to myself and saw Shizuo raise an eyebrow curiously. "Melody…"

"Nope. Do not want to talk about it."

Finally Celty stopped and I looked around. Is this west gate Ikebukuro park or whatever the fuck is called? Yes it is…but why are we here? Of course my question was quickly answered as a crowd of people started swarming around us all saying "Shizuo."

Yall better back the fuck off because that sexy beast is mine.

Mine you hear?!

The crowd just kept growing too…and then I noticed something. Red eyes. You know it'd be really nice if someone could tell me what the hell is about to go down here. Or what's even going on. Clearly this has something to do with the slasher-red eyes and knives everywhere man- but what exactly?

I feel stupid right now and I don't like it.

"I've been looking for you, Shizuo Heiwajima." A random voice spoke out and we all turned towards the girl. "Wait a second, you're one of my students…part of that bitch brigade against Anri Sonohara…" I narrowed my eyes. I hated these girls in school and I hate them now.

Oh yeah you were a teacher…

"You really are wonderful, just like mother says." She continued. "Everyone here knows that you were the one who defeated our sisters. Gotta love the internet."

"I have no fucking clue what's going on."

"At first it was difficult for our collective conscious to adjust and learn your human language but now our minds are just as well formed as our mothers. Now come on Shizuo please show everyone here just how strong you are! We're so looking forward to loving you!" She pulled out a blade. 'God it's like emo fest here.' I thought snickering. Honey you were and still are a bit emo. Exactly, that's why I can make fun of them.

"Whoa ladies, back off Shizuo's mine."

"And neither that monster nor the cops has any chance of stopping us! They're going to be way too busy for that! You see this night is just getting started! Because not too far from here my sisters are out making more sisters! Now how much fun is that?"

Shizuo didn't say anything, put me down and just got off the bike. Celty got a scythe and I just stood there doing…nothing. How am I supposed to when I'm not even entirely sure what the hell's happening?

"Can I ask you something?"

"Whatever you'd like."

"Why me? Why do you like me so much?"

"Because you're awesome and shit!" I grinned. "'Cause you're so strong. Your strength literally has no boundaries and we would like it for ourselves."

"Bitch I already said that sexy beast is mine so hands off."

"All the better to love humanity with. We like someone with good genes the same way that you humans do. Come on now, let's just be honest here, odds are a guy like you will never find someone to love him."

"Excuse me?!" I cleared my throat and pointed at myself.

"Except us. We want to love you, every single one of us."

Shizuo gave a blank stare for a moment before bursting into laughter. Celty ran over concerned but I just stood there. Pfft he's fine. She showed him something and he calmed down to answer her.

"No Celty that laugh was real. I'm kind of glad about this."

She cocked her head to the side as if to say "Huh?"

"You don't have any idea how much I've hated having this power. I've always been afraid that because of this, nobody would ever want me."

"I feel so forgotten over here." I pouted.

"But I was wrong."

Yes you were." I agreed nodding my head. "Alright then, how many we got? Let's just call it a lot. So now, this should do it. You know, I think I can fully embrace who I am now, finally start liking myself. I've hated this power so much I wanted nothing ,more than to be rid of it. Now I can finally go all out." He gave a crooked smile and took off his blue tinted sunglasses. "Oh shit's about to go dooowwwwnnn!" I cheered.

"Hey! By the way, I just want to make one thing clear. None of you are my type. Never have been and never will be. I hate you guys almost as much as Izaya." He started charging towards them.

Oh this'll be fun!" I clapped.

* * *

_**So I was writing the crack and my computer was a bitch so...rewriting...yay**_

_***hisses***_

_**~News about the end of the world and shit~**_

_**WDIESFOTW- I swear I'm working on it!**_

_**Things aren't what they appear- you're here, right next to Victoria's Secret because this is a fucking mall or some shit like that**_

_**Collab: Tomorrow**_

_**Why does this always happen to me?- Soon!**_

_**Hope- Hope shall have more suffering after this!**_

_**~At the wedding with Ikebukurians, Xxle-grellxX, and other party crashers for Sburb and FAAAYYYYYGGGGOOOO HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA~**_

_**Karkat: Shut up fuck ass**_

_**Author-chan: GAMZEE GAMZEE WE LOVE GAMZEE **_

_**Melody: Ehh I like Dave he's ironic and shit**_

_**Shizuo: MELODY'S MINE BITCH**_

_**Izaya: I am very not happy right now *glares***_

_**Erika: That's it, that's the fanfiction**_

_**Luna: This is not Sburb you liar!**_

_**Tavros: Do you want it to be**_

_**Eren: Do you want to kill some Titans~**_

_**Robin: *shocked face***_

_**Levi: Wrong place dumbass**_

_**Mika: *hisses* It's Corporal**_

_**Masaomi: HOTOTOTOTOTOTOT WOMAN~**_

_**Levi: Back the fuck off**_

_**Mikado: Whoa whoa he just...**_

_**Levi: Mika's mine**_

_**Mika: No**_

_**Violet: Yay overly possessiveness and yandere and EHHHH**_

_**Author-chan: Hold on lemme name them all...**_

_**Zane-Hope**_

_**Stalker-san-Hope**_

_**Damien-Hope**_

_**Lucifer-Hope**_

_**Ciel-Kristi**_

_**Izaya-Melody**_

_**Levi-Mika**_

_**Claude-Violet**_

_**Sebastian-Violet**_

_**Claude-Raven**_

_**The list goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on**_

_**Fun Fact: Masaomi likes eating meals with girls, and dislikes eating when he's only eating with males.**_

_**Adios Chicas~**_


End file.
